& when you are here the world stops and all that is in it is you, that is all I want right now, you.

"Somewhere along the line of development we discover what we really are, and then we make our real decision for which we are responsible. Make that decision primarily for yourself because you can never really live anyone else's life."

-- Eleanor Roosevelt   

I have 14 hours before I have to decline the only job offer I’ve been given. Nothing about this is easy; it is difficult, perplexing and nerve racking.

If you have ever been at a cross roads in life you know how hard it is to make a decision. Your indecisiveness is at an all time high, so you do everything you possibly can to avoid deciding. You pull out the trusty pros and cons list, you pass the buck and phone a friend, you write a status or you even stop thinking about it all together.

I have done the pros and cons list, I have phoned my mum and I’m running out of time. Luckily for me I have made my decision I just can’t tell you just yet if it is the right decision. Not knowing, as I sit legs dangling is awfully daunting. All I know is that I need to take care of myself financially but also emotionally and if I am not happy no amount of money and alcohol can change that.

 I am not going to take this job and it is incredibly scary but also liberating. I might be selfish but there is nothing more important to me right now than my own happiness. I know how much I am worth and I am not willing to settle.

A fair few people are of the opinion that I should just take the job and leave as soon as I get a better offer. That is not me, I do not believe in wasting someone’s time. 

So I have to keep reminding myself that I didn’t come here to work in some shit job for crap money.